Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Something More Than Oranges, Peanuts and Underpants!


When I was a kid, the fine line between God and Santa became very, very blurry shortly after Thanksgiving! The evening prayers turned to wishes, changing from, “Dear God, please let my sister not make fun of me tomorrow, and don’t let them find the library book hidden between my mattresses” to “Dear Santa, I have been very, very good this year.”
Which was only a tiny lie, really. I wasn’t actually a bad kid, although I certainly thought I was. Like my whole world was just one giant fork in the road with me repeatedly making the wrong choice!
So, while the turkey and potatoes were still digesting, I began my month-long campaign with Santa Claus.
“Dear Santa, I have been a very good girl this year....”. While it was mostly true, I sometimes fell asleep trying to come up with supporting evidence. So, I would begin again the next night and the next, “Dear Santa, as I mentioned last night, I have been a very good girl this year and I really only want one little thing for Christmas: a puppy!”
I still want a puppy for Christmas. Although I have three dogs, I think nothing could be more special and exciting than a little ball of fluff with a red satin ribbon tied around it’s neck gnawing on all the other presents under the tree!
“Dear Santa, I have been a very good girl this year and I really only want one little thing for Christmas: a puppy! .... oh, but I do like those little red wagons with the fence around them..... yeah, just a puppy and a Fency Wagon. That’s all.”
This conversation with Santa went on for many nights as the weather turned colder and colder, and the list got longer and longer.
“Dear Santa, I have been a very good girl this year and I really only want one thing for Christmas: a puppy! ... and a Fency Wagon ... and perhaps a tea set, because I really do love to entertain..... and that is all!”
As time went on and I received a few scoldings, a Spanken or two (I used to think a spanking was a proper noun, Spanken. You would receive a Spanken as a gift from your mother when she misunderstood your good intentions or you, yet again, chose the wrong fork in the road!), and perhaps the threat of coal in my stocking, my wishes became more desperate,
“Dear God, will you please tell Santa that I am actually a very good girl and I really only want one little thing for Christmas: a puppy! ... and a Fency Wagon, a tea set ... and maybe for Captain Kirk to be my dad, and that’s all!”
Now, four weeks of goodness is a challenge for anyone, as you know, so things could sometimes get a little rough around the 20th of December! That’s when I had to call in the big guns!
“Dear Cher,
will you please ask God
to tell Santa that
I really am a good girl
and I only want one
little thing for
Christmas.........”

2 comments:

bev said...

This confirms what I have thought all along! Y.O.U. are a nut job! Always have been, always will be! But that is what we love about you.

Bev Warner, proprietress said...

I stand by my earlier comment. You nut job!