Thursday, December 1, 2016

The Eyes Have It

I knew I was in trouble at the Department of Motor Vehicles when I saw they were on #29 and I looked at my ticket printed with a large 831. I knew then it would be a long day.
But my number was actually B31. B.
So I very, very quickly went to my designated counter, had my picture taken, answered all of their questions, and promptly failed the vision test.
No new driver's license for me!
This terrible turn of events led to an impromptu visit to the eye doctor where I managed to have an anxiety attack and a mini freak out upon hearing the news that I had a stigmata!
A stigmata at Christmastime!
The doctor said "Thank the Lord for the DMV for making you come here!" and I was like, "Really? I've got a stigmata and you're thanking the Lord for the DMV?!!?"
In addition to my mark of disgrace, apparently I also have pterygium which a specialist will go ahead and scrape off for me if I ever want to see clearly again. I let them know that I don't really care about seeing clearly, per se, I just want to be able to drive (as if the two go hand in hand ... ?). So, they gave me a battery of eye tests which I easily passed!! The technician said, "Next, we'll do the Color Test." I said, "They're GREEN! I pass!"
She really did giggle a few times when I confidently saw things that were not there and was able to clearly identify squiggles as numbers. I think I have super-extraordinary vision, actually!! People should be honored to maneuver America's highway system next to me!
Seriously, I did pass the tests and was able to get a driver's license (albeit with a few restrictions). I will have some new glasses soon, and I promise to call the specialist for the eyeball scraping immediately.
But first, I must take care of that other little issue ....