Wednesday, March 28, 2012

The Joke's on Me

I had a brilliant idea! I get so few brilliant ideas, I was extremely excited that I actually had one! I decided I would write down my dreams in the morning and post them for all my fans to analyze. It would be therapeutic! It would be interesting! It would be fun!
So, yesterday, I started a new category on my blog called "The Dream Academy" and I opened with a doozy of a nightmare. It was titled, luringly, "Analyze This"!
Although no one accepted the challenge, I was still excited and optimistic when I went to bed last night eager to fall asleep and dream the next installment.
Well! Obviously, The Weisenheimers in my head had other ideas! My dream last night was so insultingly filthy there's no way on God's green earth I would ever repeat it! EVER! I'm disgusted and embarrassed my head could even come up with such pure ... filth!
I feel like I even need to explain myself now and I've told you nothing! A. It was a dream. I was asleep. It's not my fault.
and B. Even in the dream, I had no active part in the goings on. I just made a phone call to a friend to tell her of the amazingly hilarious idea I had for a movie. Hilarious.
So the joke was on me last night. I guess The Weisenheimers did not want to be analyzed.
I'm not giving up on my brilliant idea, however!

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Analyze This

It was raining heavily at 2:09am, but I was drenched in sweat, not rainwater, when I was jerked away from a disturbing nightmare. March nights in Maryland were absolutely contrived for perfect sleeping. The windows can be opened without the assault of humidity clogging your airwaves. The scent of freshness in the air is hypnotic and even the occasional cloudburst taps out a sleep-inducing tattoo.
So, under these ideal conditions, I fell asleep quickly and deeply.
In my dream, I was a little girl of about ten. I was dressed in old fashioned clothing, but I knew this was only dress up. I wasn't actually an old fashioned girl. I was sitting before a beautiful antique vanity applying makeup in the delightfully haphazard way little girls do wearing a lovely ivory dress and oversized matching hat. I marveled at the intricate stitching on the dress and each glorious bit of craftsmanship on the amazing hat. I could see the weave of the fabric and the silkiness of each thread. My lipstick was applied as if I didn't understand the difference between lipstick and Chapstick and my eyeliner was slightly too heavy for a girl my age, but I thought I looked rather comely, nonetheless.
In the mirror, I noticed my hat on the floor behind me, partially under the old iron bed, in the room that was quickly becoming too small for all that furniture. I turned to look at the hat, realizing it was actually pinned under one of the iron bed legs.
I was confused.
I looked back in the mirror to confirm that I was still wearing the hat.
How could my hat be stuck under the bed and on my head?
I went to the bed to lift it up and retrieve the hat then glanced back in the mirror.
I was still sitting there in my beautiful gown and glorious hat.
But it wasn't me.
The face was hard and distorted. She was older and angry. She looked vicious and mean. I was frightened.
Suddenly, she flew from the mirror and pushed me on the bed. She was strong and heavy. Her face was gruesome and evil. She pinned me on the bed with an anger I didn't understand causing me a great deal of pain and confusion.
I tried to scream, but you know how it goes with dreams and screaming ….
I thought she was going to rape me and I struggled feverishly to get away.
Her dense, beastly body moved across mine and I was horrified. Her pelvic area was nearing my face and I wanted to vomit. She urinated on my neck - I was panic stricken … frozen with fear and disgust, when, thank God, I woke up.
So my question is this:
Why? Why, on this night designed for peaceful sleep … when I am surrounded by downy pillows and fluffy puppies … when I am exactly where I want to be …. why does my mind take me there?

Friday, March 16, 2012

The Natural Anti-Depressant

Wednesday is our oldest girl. She's an almost-twelve year old border collie/hound mix with a LOT of personality! She's funny and smart and definitely in-charge of our household. She lost two of her "sisters" in two years and she's been our champ though it all. She's an absolute angel!

Puzzle is a not-quite two year old border collie rescue puppy.

While Wednesday is the picture of good health and energy ... she is nearly twelve years old and finds herself irritated by Puzzle's annoying love for her. Puzzle is literally in her face 24/7. Wednesday growls at Puzzle. Puzzle wags her tail. Wednesday tries a big girl growl, you know, with teeth. Puzzle licks her teeth.
Puzzle follows her, herds her, licks her, nudges her, pounces on her ....

Wednesday needs a break.
Puzzle needs a puppy of her own!
Enter Prozac!
Prozac is an 8 month old border collie who recently found himself without a home.
We have a home!

And so it begins ....
Puzzle still adores Wednesday, but she loves having a puppy of her own to play with! They love running through the yard and tugging on toys. They romp and roll and you have never seen so much tail wagging!!!
And Wednesday can take a break when she needs to without Puzzle pestering her. Although, I find Wednesday seems to have increased energy as well!
Maybe it's the beautiful spring weather .... ?
But we think it's the Prozac!