Tuesday, March 27, 2012
It was raining heavily at 2:09am, but I was drenched in sweat, not rainwater, when I was jerked away from a disturbing nightmare. March nights in Maryland were absolutely contrived for perfect sleeping. The windows can be opened without the assault of humidity clogging your airwaves. The scent of freshness in the air is hypnotic and even the occasional cloudburst taps out a sleep-inducing tattoo.
So, under these ideal conditions, I fell asleep quickly and deeply.
In my dream, I was a little girl of about ten. I was dressed in old fashioned clothing, but I knew this was only dress up. I wasn't actually an old fashioned girl. I was sitting before a beautiful antique vanity applying makeup in the delightfully haphazard way little girls do wearing a lovely ivory dress and oversized matching hat. I marveled at the intricate stitching on the dress and each glorious bit of craftsmanship on the amazing hat. I could see the weave of the fabric and the silkiness of each thread. My lipstick was applied as if I didn't understand the difference between lipstick and Chapstick and my eyeliner was slightly too heavy for a girl my age, but I thought I looked rather comely, nonetheless.
In the mirror, I noticed my hat on the floor behind me, partially under the old iron bed, in the room that was quickly becoming too small for all that furniture. I turned to look at the hat, realizing it was actually pinned under one of the iron bed legs.
I was confused.
I looked back in the mirror to confirm that I was still wearing the hat.
How could my hat be stuck under the bed and on my head?
I went to the bed to lift it up and retrieve the hat then glanced back in the mirror.
I was still sitting there in my beautiful gown and glorious hat.
But it wasn't me.
The face was hard and distorted. She was older and angry. She looked vicious and mean. I was frightened.
Suddenly, she flew from the mirror and pushed me on the bed. She was strong and heavy. Her face was gruesome and evil. She pinned me on the bed with an anger I didn't understand causing me a great deal of pain and confusion.
I tried to scream, but you know how it goes with dreams and screaming ….
I thought she was going to rape me and I struggled feverishly to get away.
Her dense, beastly body moved across mine and I was horrified. Her pelvic area was nearing my face and I wanted to vomit. She urinated on my neck - I was panic stricken … frozen with fear and disgust, when, thank God, I woke up.
So my question is this:
Why? Why, on this night designed for peaceful sleep … when I am surrounded by downy pillows and fluffy puppies … when I am exactly where I want to be …. why does my mind take me there?