Thursday, July 24, 2008
All the Damn Vampires
Remember in The Lost Boys when Grandpa casually remarked, "One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach... all the damn vampires."? Well, that's how I feel about living in this area. One thing about living in DC I never could stomach... all the damn humidity. Seriously! I have to use 3 different kinds of deodorant and a bottle or two of baby powder just to walk from point A to point B. It's craziness!! I step outside and before I can finish the thought, "Say! It's kind of nice out here!", I'm soaking wet! It's like walking with weights on my ankles through a steaming hot, gigantic bowl of soup! And since pee stains and sweat stains look amazingly similar, I have to make smart wardrobing decisions as well. What, exactly, does one wear to walk through soup and still remain cool and dry?
There was the time I went on a "date" with my husband, Handsome. I had buffed and puffed and primped and - above all else - powdered the hell out of myself! We had just sat in the car when Handsome remembered something in the house. I stayed in the car while he ran inside and I decided to take the quick opportunity to ... shall we say ... relieve some pressure while he was gone. So, when that happened, a puff of smoke blew up from betwixt my legs and I was horrified and frightened!! You hear those stories about people spontaneously combusting and I thought, "Oh Lord! It's happening to me!! I am literally burning from the inside out!!"
Then I remembered the powder!
So, while I was sitting in the car in a baby-fresh cloud of "smoke", my husband returned to find me laughing hysterically to myself!
Sometimes I think he would rather just deal with all the damn vampires!