Thursday, July 24, 2008

All the Damn Vampires


Remember in The Lost Boys when Grandpa casually remarked, "One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach... all the damn vampires."? Well, that's how I feel about living in this area. One thing about living in DC I never could stomach... all the damn humidity. Seriously! I have to use 3 different kinds of deodorant and a bottle or two of baby powder just to walk from point A to point B. It's craziness!! I step outside and before I can finish the thought, "Say! It's kind of nice out here!", I'm soaking wet! It's like walking with weights on my ankles through a steaming hot, gigantic bowl of soup! And since pee stains and sweat stains look amazingly similar, I have to make smart wardrobing decisions as well. What, exactly, does one wear to walk through soup and still remain cool and dry?
There was the time I went on a "date" with my husband, Handsome. I had buffed and puffed and primped and - above all else - powdered the hell out of myself! We had just sat in the car when Handsome remembered something in the house. I stayed in the car while he ran inside and I decided to take the quick opportunity to ... shall we say ... relieve some pressure while he was gone. So, when that happened, a puff of smoke blew up from betwixt my legs and I was horrified and frightened!! You hear those stories about people spontaneously combusting and I thought, "Oh Lord! It's happening to me!! I am literally burning from the inside out!!"
Then I remembered the powder!
So, while I was sitting in the car in a baby-fresh cloud of "smoke", my husband returned to find me laughing hysterically to myself!
Sometimes I think he would rather just deal with all the damn vampires!

3 comments:

Leigh said...

OMG! LMAO! I am going to show Isabelle that trick. :)

Anonymous said...

That is too funny! And, yes, I can actually see you doing this. You are so lucky the Hansome has a sense of humor about you and your antics.
published as anonymous cuz I couldn't get my password right. Must be the age! Bev.

Scot Vessell said...

Just watched this with my kids about a month ago. It was important to me that they saw that vampires are blood sucking bat faced monsters from the pit of darkness; and they sure as eff don't sparkle.

But not to worry. Because the Frog brothers are always near to protect truth, justice, and (wait for it...) the American way. All right!