Monday, July 1, 2013
The Big Winner
My friend, (we'll call him) Bob, walked by my desk. Bob is gay, which is relevant to the story.
As Bob passed, the "winner" said, "He looks like a funny guy." Immediately on the defense, I said, "Oh yeah! He has a great sense of humor!" Winner said, in a most offensively effeminate voice, "That's not what I meant."
I gave him my best Lassie quizzical tilt of the head.
"What about you?" he asked. "You look like an outdoorsy kind of girl."
I'm sure I had no idea what that meant. It probably wasn't a compliment. But I stuck to my I'm-just-a-dumb-receptionist routine and said, "Well, I like archery."
Sometimes I think the Weisenheimers in the back of my head just throw the new guy out front and make him spit something so ridiculous out of my mouth even I have no choice but to chuckle at it. Archery? I know absolutely nothing about archery! Why did I say that? My mind and my mouth are not jumping out of the plane in tandem, that's for sure!
Winner said, "Oh, Merlin or Oxford?"
"Well, it's not like I won a gold medal or anything .... I just said I like it." That was my brilliant retort!
Sure as God makes little green apples, Winner opened his wallet and pulled out a laminated calling card of sorts to prove that he did, in fact, win a gold medal in the 1972 (or some damn year) Olympics in the great outdoorsy sport of archery.
Well of course he did!
Touche', good man, you are correct! Bob is funny. I am rather outdoorsy, and you won an Olympic gold medal in archery AND a Spice Girls cd. Please enjoy the rest of your day.