All You Can Eat ... Meat!

Thursday night was a birthday celebration for our friend, B. A “B” Day Party, if you will! His girlfriend, Amanda, chose an interesting restaurant in Falls Church called Malibu Grill. (I do not blame Amanda at all for choosing this place ... how could she ever know what was to come?)
The concept or theme of this joint is: All You Can Eat Meat. Yes, you heard me correctly, as much Meat on a Stick as you can comfortably (or not so comfortably) pack into your tender tummy! I am not joking!
Sadly, no one took our drink orders or explained the process to us or held our hands through this cannibalistic journey, so we were left to blindly feed on Mystery Meat. Each table has a little wooden peg in the middle. One side is green for go and the other side is red for give me a freaking break I can’t possibly eat any more meat. When your peg is green, a little guy called a “gaucho” (their word, not mine) comes to your table with some charred somethings on a skewer which you are evidently supposed to gnaw off and enjoy as a meal. He steps up to the end of the table and says, “lambmonkeysquirrel?”
No poker face for me, I said, “WHAT?!” in sheer horror.
He took that as a no.
In fairness, I did eat something I am going to pretend was chicken and it wasn’t half bad. The rest of it reminded me of a story I heard when I was in the Air Force.
I was eating lunch one day with a couple of friends who both happened to be from Texas. One guy was telling us about a time when he and a buddy starting getting curious about what an Armadillo might taste like. Now, I’ve heard that an Armadillo is actually rather easy to catch, but they chose more of a hands-free approach and simply set up camp on the shoulder and waited for some fresh road kill. The “hunt” completed, they grilled it up over an open fire (or under the hood of their El Camino, more likely) and ate it!!!
And THAT, my friends, is what I suspect the gaucho was bringing to my table!
I don’t know what else to say!
Ummmm, Happy “B” Day?!