My 25th High School reunion is quickly approaching, so it is no surprise that I have been taking grueling trips down memory lane lately. Although we had a lot of great laughs, I honestly think high school was just one big embarrassment for me. I was never real popular with the fellas, let’s be honest, but for a few months during my 16th year, I actually did have a boyfriend. And I liked him long after he stopped liking me, which made for additional, painful high school drama.
Like most teen aged girls, the thought of being caught in public with my mother was a nightmare to say the least, so I don’t honestly remember how I came to be at the grocery store with mine one fine spring day. And I don’t remember why we had my dad’s Chevy Blazer with the over sized side mirrors affixed so my dad could see the pop up camper trailing behind. Thankfully, the camper was no longer attached, but the mirrors were still there to reflect my misery.
My mother shopped like we lived on the prairie and only made it into the mercantile once or twice a year. I don’t know why she thought she had 15 daughters living in our house instead of two, but grocery shopping was certainly a bulk ordeal for her.
My “ex” boyfriend worked at Hy-Vee loading groceries into the vehicles of the various shoppers, and it was just my luck that he was there to load our colossal purchase. As I tried to sink deeper and deeper into the pleather seats, Boyfriend loaded our groceries making humorous commentary along the way. He tossed two huge bags of dog food into the back of the truck, “Looks like you gotta coupla dogs ...” That really irritated me because he’d been to our house several times and he knew we had dogs! He was just being charming and how dare he do that when I was dying?!
What was completely, foolishly lost on me was the fact that he was actually paying attention to our purchases.
So it was with absolute, shocking, excruciating horror when, as we drove away, I heard him call, “Wait!! You forgot these!!” And I died a tragic death as I looked into the big screen mirror to see Boyfriend holding up a giant steamer trunk of adult feminine protection!