Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Do You Believe in Miracles?

I've had some paid time off this January. It's been great! The only problem is that our house is cold!
Really cold.
I can see white puffs of breath escaping my dogs as they snore away in their little dog piles. My house looks like a canine Jonestown with sleeping dogs everywhere I turn. I don't like moving, either, frankly.
Too cold.
So, I snuggle up on the love seat with several blankets, coffee or cocoa (which I must drink quickly before a layer of ice forms on top), my laptop .... and the kiss of death ... the television!
I get sucked in.
Oh yes, Jessica Simpson is beautiful.
Oh my, poor Alyssa Milano, I can feel your pain, sweetie. I, too, must spend hours in Makeup before I go to work. Oh, Jennifer Love Hewitt, I am just like you!
My skin IS bad!
How did I not notice this before?
I promptly ordered Proactiv. I wanna live my life! I want peace of mind! This could change everything for me!
I think I look exactly like Vanessa Williams, I just haven't noticed because of all this acne.

So, I got the stuff.
And used it.
And it hurt like H.E.Double Hockey Sticks! My skin was raw! It put tears in my eyes! I looked down at my towel and it had stripped the color right off the cloth! You know the "before" pictures they show you on the commercials? I think they were actually taken AFTER they applied the three steps of medication and BEFORE they covered it all up with professional makeup!
I did not have bad skin.
Not really....
I do now!
Now I have to wear so many layers of foundation, I look like I just hired Mickey Rourke as my stylist.

I really hate being so gullible.


Leigh said...

You should have asked me first! I am always so tempted by it, but Laura stayed at my house once for 2 weeks and the "miracle" bleached all my purple towels! I have always wondered to myself how she could put THAT on her face knowing what it does to laundry! LOL

bev said...

As always you had me laughing my ample ass off. Turn off the television! Get a book. Read it. You know how. You get a flashlight, take the blankie, cover yourself completely, yes, over your head and all, turn on the flashlight and read. Your body heat will warm up you little tent and you will be cozy. Of course, when Jerry gets home he will want to play too. But if you want, that can be discouraged by inviting the dogs in you little nest area. Dogs put the cabash on lots of things.

Becca said...

I don't honestly believe I could read more books than I already do, but I will try!

maggie said...

My son would tell you what you really need right now is the Snuggie. Stop wasting your money on the skin crap and buy something that makes a difference. You can hang your new Snuggie on your Wonder Hanger when you aren't using it.
Have you read 1000 White Women? The Red Tent? The Shack?